Wednesday, October 29, 2008


My syndicate recently flagged the Fusco Brothers strip below because of the word "wiseass."

So I changed it to "wise guy." Not as funny, but I do what I have to do sometimes.

Newspapers have not kept up with TV when it comes to this sort of thing (filth). Lance Fusco could never say some of the things Bart Simpson gets away with saying.

By the way, this is tomorrow's strip, so once again, you can bet some sucker in your favorite neighborhood bar that you can predict tomorrow's G-rated Fusco punchline (such as it is). 

Make sure you bet with a regular customer you dislike. That way, you'll either win some money, or if he welches on the bet by never showing up again, you'll be free of a pest.

Monday, October 27, 2008


What is it? In the movies, it can be any number of things. Here are some actual movie quotes to prove it:

It's... I don't know. 

I don't know. I found it in one of the labs.

I don't know. But it hurts.

How am I supposed to know what this is!

Good, you're curious, I like that! 

Can't you see what it is?

You'll see. 

You will see. Oh yes, you will see. 

Hey, my Dad's seen one of those. 

It's you!

Your body! 

It's a minivan. 

It's a rabbit's foot. 

It's a member of the herring family. 


The stuff that dreams are made of. 

Your mouthwash ain't making it.

Pest and rodent removal. 

The goombahs are dancing again.

Your toenails. They're like daggers!

Early retirement.

Viscount Lansky's horse has returned from the Great Forest... riderless. 

The sound of treachery.

Its a bundt. 

Its a sort of tingling in my... well I suppose I better start finding names for things. 

It's corned beef and cabbage. 

You're smiling, Sir.

Love, Harry. Love.

Just get in the car, Bob. 

Limestone pie and hot melted silver. 

Spock's burial robe.

This dead chick is stacked.

I told you it's Dad's business!


I have to go to the can again! 

It's a birdcage!

Well, a Chinese Crested of course! 

Its a leg. 

An entertainment. 

We keep smiling, even when we're out of Bloody Mary mix.

New Jersey.

It's a crystal, nothing more, but if you turn it this way, look into it, it'll show you your dreams. 

It's a pie machine.



Mom, I had this terrible dream that Dad was tied to a log and was careening out of control down a raging river of death!

A man's been killed upstairs. 

An Oldsmobile Silhouette.

It's just the whole laundry thing. Its a metaphor, right?

Well I'm, uh, learning the piano. 

It's some sort of cloak. 

It's a gun rack. 

It's a nitro-glycerin base. 

It's a penis stretcher.

I ripped my stockings. 

Either the mouthpiece of a trumpet or the end of the world.

Friday, October 24, 2008


     John Leroy Robertson was born on a garbanzo bean plantation in Mississippi, either in 1910, 1911 or 1912. Little is known of his early life, except that as a child he loved making hand shadows on the wall of his family's shotgun shack.

     As a young man, he realized that he had no interest in garbanzo beans, and decided to become a professional hand shadowist. Hand shadowry was a popular form of entertainment among the poor people of the Delta at the time, as it only involved a pair of hands and a light source.

     At first, John's repertoire consisted of the usual hand shadows: bunny rabbits, alligators, birds in flight and such. But he knew there could be more to it. He wanted his hands to tell stories that hadn't been told before, to reach down into people's inner depths of emotion, and amaze them in the process.

     According to legend, he was instructed by an old, blind hand shadowist to take his hands down to a certain crossroads at midnight, where he met up with the Devil himself. The Devil shook his hand, and turned John Robertson into a master hand shadowist, in exchange for his immortal soul.

     Soon John was astounding crowds with hand shadow renditions of lobsters, celebrities, metaphysical concepts and cryptozoological monsters in funny hats.

     Within a few years he had become the King Of The Delta Hand Shadowists.

     His career was cut short in 1938 when he was poisoned by the boyfriend of a hand shadow groupie.

     However, he has been a major influence on hand shadowists ever since, and his legend lives on, in the shadows.

Friday, October 17, 2008


My comic strip syndicate just told me they won't let me put the URL to this blog in The Fusco Brothers because they found some risque material here. 

So, now that the floodgates are open, I guess there's no turning back.

I guess this cartoon would qualify as risque:

Although, it would have been funnier (and more accurate) if the guy had had an erection. (I didn't think of that when I drew it.)

So, here's another cartoon where the guy DOES have an erection:

In your mind, just transpose the erection (ouch!) from the shadow puppeteer to Steve Spermatozoa, and you've got... ADULT COMEDIC GOLD!

Thursday, October 16, 2008


This rough sketch was turned down by two major magazines. 

So now, the good news is, you get to see it without buying a magazine, I don't have to draw a finished version, and best of all, I don't have to schlep to the bank to deposit a check.

Life is good.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


It was six years ago today that my comic panel Go Fish was launched by United Features Syndicate.


And it was one year ago tomorrow that it ended after an unspectacular five-year run.

It was about a psychiatrist. Here's a quote from the press kit:

Here's a sample of the comic for the vast majority of Americans who missed it (not that they're reading this blog), and a trip down memory lane for the two or three people who remember it (not that they're reading this blog, either):

Go Fish ran briefly as Go Figure, my original title, but there turned out to be a copyright conflct over that name and I had to change it. Here's the cover of the original press kit:

Actually, "original press kit" implies that there was a replacement press kit with the new title, but the syndicate never replaced it. Maybe having a press kit with the correct title would have helped newspaper sales...? What a crazy concept.

Sour grapes? My favorite snack!

Thursday, October 2, 2008


As a close personal friend of The Fusco Brothers, I was able to get an advance copy of tomorrow's comic strip. 

It looks like Lance Fusco has grasped the blogging concept completely.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


Wow, Lance Fusco (of the insanely popular Fusco Brothers comic strip) has decided to write a blog. 

Talk about a coincidence!