Friday, December 30, 2011


After 2009 I thought those New Year's Eve glasses would go away because they wouldn't have the double-zeros in the middle to work with...

Then today I noticed on TV that they apparently didn't let that stop them (yes, it took me three years to notice this)...

They have different ways of dealing with the problem...

But the important thing is that people will be free to look goofy every year until the end of time.


Saturday, December 24, 2011


The charming people from the village were just outside my log cabin singing Christmas carols, and as I handed out mugs of hot chocolate. little Jimmy Hoople asked if I would be posting my classic yule poem on my blog again this year. How could I refuse the lad after he sang his heart out in the freezing snow? So, here it is for the fourth year in a row, for anyone keeping score.


Twas the night before Xmas, when all through my pad

Naught was rhyming with Xmas, and this made me mad;

The TV was tuned to the Home Shopping Place

In hopes that St. Nicholas would not show his face;

To celebrate Xmas all over the globe

I opened a brewski from Ye Old Latrobe;

At length I tuned in to the Playboy Channel

And put on my PJ's, the ones in red flannel;

I sat on the couch like a russet potato

"Anna Nicole Smith was sure one hot tomato!"

I poured a martini, to warm me within

Eschewing dumb eggnog in favor of gin;

Then just when my loins were beginning to stir

I heard in the sky an incredible whir;

I zipped up and ran to my highrise balcony

The place where I practice my hobby of falconry;

And what to my bloodshot eyes should appear

But a huge flying saucer with a silver veneer;

Eight tiny green creatures climbed down on a ladder

And I became so frightened I emptied my bladder;

"What is it you want, if I'm not being nosy?"

I asked as they circled me, ring-around-the-rosy;

"We'd like to examine your brain's frontal lobe

And also the classic, the old anal probe."

"But I am no leader, no Martin Van Buren;

I'm just some poor schmuck standing in his own urine!"

I could not dissuade them, or bribe them with money

I offered them beer; they just thought that was funny;

They made me lie down on the dining room table

And did things involving a fiber optic cable;

A half hour later they boarded their craft

Was it all just a dream? Was I crazy, or daft?

Then I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight

"Happy Xmas to all, and to all a good night!"



Sunday, December 11, 2011


I've got a cartoon in the current New Yorker:

Here's what the back of the original art looks like with the gray markers bleeding through the paper: