If you can keep your hair when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can groom yourself when colleagues impeach you,
And hold your head high with a puffy hairdo;
If you can deny all charges of soliciting bribes,
And apply more mousse and ignore the bad vibes;
If you can laugh as others try to screw ya,
And tell them "A lttle dab'll do ya;"
If that squirrel on your head invites ridicule,
Yet you stand up tall because you know you look cool;
If you can show a brave face to corruption charges,
And throw back your shoulders as your hairdo enlarges;
If everyone hates you the rest of your life,
Except Ronald Burris, and maybe your wife;
If your hairspray deflects all the wrath of Chicago,
And you staunchly remain the unrepentant Blago;
If you can comb your locks when the pain is crippling,
And add some class by quoting Kipling;
If you can coiff amid charges of pay-to-play,
And use Grecian Formula to cover the gray;
If you can defend a bad haircut that others eschew,
And not hit the bottle - except for shampoo;
If you can style your tresses like a teenage boy,
You'll be the most popular inmate in Illinois!
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