FOOTSIE BAR

PRONOUNCED PHILTRUM

PERSPECTIVE

NO SCARY MAKEUP REQUIRED

Alexander Haig.

NO SCARY MAKEUP REQUIRED

Sid Haig.

AND THE NOMINEES ARE...

The New Yorker narrowed down the Caption Contest submissions for my cartoon to three finalists, and anticipation has risen to a fever pitch all across the country to see who will win the signed print personally signed by me. Well, maybe not a fever pitch, exactly.

I don't find any of these captions hilarious, personally, but in fairness, I think it's just a tough cartoon to write a great caption for. I had first crack at it, and whatever I came up with was so lousy I don't even remember it.

FURTIVE GLANCE

SIDELONG GLANCE

PIEROGI THERAPY

THE CREATURE RECEIVES A CALL ON HIS iPHONE FROM SOMEONE IN THE BLACK LAGOON

HAIRY HARRY'S BROTHER

WINE WARS

BLUE INK ALERT

SEPARATED AT PUBERTY

Stan Laurel and Fred Astaire:

WEDNESDAY IS REINDEER NIGHT

A friend of mine said he thought this was a very cool chimney bar on a rooftop. I confessed that it was just a regular bar drawn with very bad perspective, and that the wall just happened to be the same color as the sky and the bar just happened to be the same color as bricks. 

Before I flunked out of art school my motto was, "Perspective class is for SUCKAHZ!"

WHAT I'M WATCHING (IN MY MIND)

SCI-FI XMAS WEIRDNESS

OLD XMAS CARD

When the greeting card company added color, the nose was brown. Trust me.

MORE ON INSOMNIA

WHAT I'M WATCHING

A movie about a French donkey. With subtitles, an added bonus. Who says insomnia is a bad thing?

TENSION BUILDS IN CAPTION CONTEST LAND

FOR THOSE WHO LIKE IT ROUGH

My original rough sketch for last week's New Yorker cartoon:

ART BUTTOCKS

My cartoon in last week's New Yorker, along with a candid view of its buttocks:

ONE FINE DAY AT JIM'S CAFE

I'VE GOT YOU UNDER MY SKIN

FULL CIRCLE, ALMOST

SEPARATED AT PUBERTY

Steven Hill and Brad Dexter:

TUPPERWARE 4

TUPPERWARE 3

TUPPERWARE 2

TUPPERWARE 1

INSIDE STUFF

STRANGE BEDFELLOWS

Clark Gable, Cary Grant, Bob Hope and David Niven.

POST-HALLOWEEN CLEARANCE

VLAD THE RECLINER

PENCILS UP

SELFIE REJECT 3

SELFIE REJECT 2

SELFIE REJECT 1

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

SEPARATED AT PUBERTY

George Mathews and Peter Bull:

NO SCARY MAKEUP REQUIRED

Peter Bull.

NO SCARY MAKEUP REQUIRED

George Mathews.

NO SCARY MAKEUP REQUIRED

Philip Coolidge.

NO SCARY MAKEUP REQUIRED

Margaret Hamilton.

NO SCARY MAKEUP REQUIRED

David Hoffman.