ODD T-SHIRT CARTOON OF THE DAY

MIDDLE-AGED WHITE GUY MONDAY

ODD BAR CARTOON OF THE DAY

IMPROBABLE CARTOON OF THE DAY

CLASSICS ILLUSTRATED

SINCE IT'S NOT FUNNY, I ASSUME IT MUST BE FINE ART

EDISON, THE JACKASS

I recently suffered from a droopy fluorescent bulb in one of the many art lamps around my Professional Cartoonist Studio [PCS]. While there are worse things to suffer from at this point in my life, it was a problem nonetheless, and a potential embarrassment.

It wasn't the kind of thing I felt comfortable talking about with anybody. And anyway, who would I talk to? An electrician? A doctor? A hooker? A priest? Hell, they all charge a lot of dough.

Then, while looking at the lamp last night I had what Einstein (and only Einstein) liked to call an "Einstein moment." (Tesla liked to call it a "Tesla moment.") The solution popped into my head fully formed, I reached for a large binder clip and attached it to the lamp, all in the space of 10 seconds. It was as if I had channeled Hedy Lamarr!

My bulb was rigid* and straight as a rod. My fluorescence had regained it's tumescence.

Now I can once again interview interns in my PCS in confidence. (I have an arrangement with Miss Potter's Art College for Young Ladies, which is conveniently located down the street; in exchange for gaining valuable professional experience, the students draw The Fusco Brothers for me.)

Move over, Spencer Tracy ("Edison, The Man"), Mickey Rooney ("Young Tom Edison") and Antonia Ricigliano (the mayor of Edison, New Jersey)!

*For rigid bulbs lasting more than four hours, consult an electrician.

MIDDLE-AGED WHITE GUY MONDAY

BOVINE BAR SCENE

THEY CALL THE WIND LUNESTA

FILTH FRIDAY

STILL ANOTHER SICK NIGHT-DEPOSITS RELATIONSHIP

YET ANOTHER DYSFUNCTIONAL NIGHT-DEPOSITS FAMILY

SWEET NOTHINGS

MIDDLE-AGED WHITE GUY MONDAY

DOOR MAN WITH MONOCLE

CARTOON ABOUT A DOG CRITICIZING THE AERODYNAMIC PROPERTIES OF AN ELONGATED FIRE HYDRANT

NOT READY FOR SYNDICATION

WHY PRINT MEDIA IS DYING

BE IT EVER SO HUMBLE

YET ANOTHER SICK NIGHT-DEPOSITS RELATIONSHIP

SEPARATED AT PUBERTY

George W. Bush and Doodles Weaver:

MIDDLE-AGED WHITE GUY MONDAY

PUNCTUATION FILTH

FUSCO TURNS 21

My comic strip, The Fusco Brothers, turns 21 years old today. It's old enough to tear up its fake ID and have a drink.

Also, I failed to notice that Night Deposits turned two years old on August first. It's old enough to poop its pants and have a bowl of Farina.

WHINE IN A BOX

Apparently, I've ve been making fun of wine in a box for a long time. This would be bad enough on it's own, but the fact that I have "the ability to influence millions of Americans" (HA!) makes it all the more reprehensible.

SCHOLLE CORPORATION

August 23, 2002

J.C. Duffy, Creator

"The Fusco Brothers" Comic Strip

Dear Mr. Duffy:

I am writing regarding your "The Fusco Brothers" comic strip of August 22 in

which you depict a couple drinking, and disparaging, "Wine in a Box." I

would like to draw the following to your attention:

The bag-in-box concept, invented by Scholle Corporation nearly 50 years ago,

is a unique and technically superior packaging concept that has garnered

many awards and is enjoyed by many millions of people around the world on a

daily basis.

Here in North America, if you drink Coca-Cola dispensed from a soda

fountain, the syrup is likely stored in and dispensed from bag-in-box in a

cabinet nearby. If you dispense milk in a school cafeteria, chances are it

is packed in bag-in-box. If you eat processed tomatoes in any form, those

tomatoes at one time were very likely stored in bag-in-box. And so it goes.

In the U.S., more supermarket wine (by volume) is consumed from a box than

from a bottle. In Australia, more wine overall is consumed from the "wine

cask," as they call it, a packaging concept that has revolutionized how

Australians consume wine. In fact, there are a number of premium wines in

Australia that are quite good and of a higher quality than many bottled

wines. In Europe, bag-in-box wines are among the fastest growing

segments-yes, even wine-snobbish Europeans are recognizing the superiority

of bag-in-box for convenience and for maintaining the quality of the wine

long after it is opened.

It is only in the U.S. that wineries have chosen to limit the use of this

excellent packaging concept to lower quality "jug" wines, and that people

like yourself with the ability to influence millions of Americans choose to

further denigrate the image of the package through the media.. What's a

packaging manufacturer to do?

By the way, if you had personally tried bag-in-box wine, you would know that

it doesn't pour from the corner but dispenses conveniently from a spout at

the bottom of the package. I encourage you to buy a box of Franzia or Peter

Vella brand and experience it for yourself. We at Scholle would be most

grateful.

Cordially,

Roberta J. Morris

Director, Marketing Communications

STILL NO CORKAGE FEE

NO CORKAGE FEE

MIDDLE-AGED WHITE GUY MONDAY

THE MIND IS A TERRIBLE THING TO LOSE